For over five years I worked third shift from home, so to say I lived in my pj’s is an understatement. They’re nice pj’s, long-sleeve button-down shirts and elastic waist pants with adorable animals on them. There’s the astrodog blue, the parisian kitties in gray, and the suns and moons and gray. Nothing wrong with wearing them to “work”, as they are comfortable and nice for my fibromyalgia. But, because I didn’t need many “outside clothes” as I called them, I didn’t have them. A handful of shirts, a pair or two of jeans, and of course the required undergarments, which I needed no matter what I wore. So my wardrobe might have been sparse, but it was functional.
Now, having been self-employed for two months, I find I need more “outside clothes”. After all, I want to look GOOD when I’m visiting friends or running errands. It was one thing to use my fibromyalgia, my work schedule, and the fact that I worked from home as excuses for looking frumpy. And, I went to the barn, to see my mom, or home…hardly places for glamor. But, in need of another pair of nice yoga capri pants, because they’re oh-so-comfortable to wear when running errands, I went to the clothing store. My mental list remained intact; I did not impulse buy. I got what I needed and came home, but you know what?
I felt good!
Over the past week or so I talked about healing old hurts with love and acceptance. Turning off those negative voices in my head through healing has been one of my biggest achievements. To know that I could buy something I need without guilt, remorse, worry, or self-recrimination, meant a whole heap of freedom just opened up in front of me.
For those who might have been impulse shoppers, buying things to make them feel good, such a shopping trip might have been called a binge, and might have had the “high” of spending money brought quickly down by remorse and guilt over how much was spent and how much probably wasn’t needed. It was an artificial high. There’s a big difference between this roller coaster, and the nice sense of appreciation that comes from doing something nice for yourself because you can and because it fulfills a need. Am I saying we should never do something nice for ourselves for any other reason? Of course not, but when you realize that it is okay… no wait, it is expected that you take care of yourself. And when it’s done because you love and care for yourself, it’s even better.