Samhain is a time of shadows, of the parts of ourselves which we have kept hidden and tucked away. For me, as someone who has survived abuse and extensive bullying, it’s the scars and the wounds, which I’ve kept hidden away from the world. They don’t see the scars. They don’t see that I don’t trust easily, and it’s once bitten always shy. I smile. I run my own business. I take care of my disabled mother, and my unemployed, and probably should be on disability, partner. I take care of our fur, feathered, and scaly children. And sometimes, if I’m lucky, I take care of me.

I’m in a time of great transition right now. I’m leaving behind a whole lot of my past life, sometimes willingly, sometimes by having it ripped away from me. I’m reminded of a couple of tarot cards: Death and The Tower.

I’m being blasted back to my foundations, leaving behind all which isn’t serving me or good for my growth. And the me that lives in the shadows isn’t ready to face the light. Oh, I want to. I yearn for the light, to show all of my beautiful, glorious self, to the world. And yet, I am hiding in the shadows because the light is so too scary. I prefer the dark.

I’m reminded of two very powerful cards: 8 of cups and 8 of swords

With the 8 of swords, I’m sitting in a cage of swords of my own making. It’s warm there. It’s comfy. I can get everything I need through the bars of the swords. But I also can’t go anywhere or can’t leave. On the 8 of cups, I’m walking away from overflowing, bountiful cups to seek a leaner life, perhaps one that follows my heart. I turn my back on the things which have sustained me, but something tells me that some of those cups contain bitter drinks. And maybe, just maybe, by walking away I’m finding a new and better life.

Looking into the dark corners of our closets, or our lives, isn’t a pleasant experience at times. It can reveal things we’d rather leave into the shadows, and it can bring things to light that need some much needed air.

Shadows and death do not have to be scary things. Sometimes, digging around in the shadows and letting old things (habits, thought processes, self-image) die, might be the best thing we can do to step forward and embrace the light offered by the turning wheel of the year.

This entry is part of the tarot blog hop. Read the post before mine. Or, you can read the next post. Go back to the beginning, and read all the wonderful posts for this blog hop.

I don’t know about you, but mine has hit it pretty much on the mark. Now, I couldn’t have anticipated what was about to happen, but yeah, looking back, I can see where things came from, and knowing what the rest of the year holds, I am moving forward!

I think it’s important to do monthly tarot readings, not just at the start of a new month, but also at the start of a new year so you can see month by month how things go, and then go back and review how they went.

Some people wonder about seeing “bad” things and making it to be prophecy to be fulfilled. But we have to keep in mind that we do not know how things may be interpreted. When I first read “sudden change” for this month, back in January, I felt for sure that my mother would be dead. At that time, I couldn’t imagine what more sudden change could befall me. But her health is better than ever, though in the intervening year, I’ve been laid off, started a new business, and did a lot of personal growth — any one of those could be the sudden change. Forewarned is forearmed, I say, and know that our future is a mutable thing.

So I look forward to checking the readings at the start of each month. Who knows what it will bring, and that means that anything can happen… Are you prepared? I am.

I look over the things I’ve “harvested” this year, and I am ever so thankful.

That’s the theme that came to me as I look over this time of harvest and of what I’ve earned. My year started…well, in tarot terms I drew the Tower. I was blasted down to my foundations and had to rebuild again, but in alignment with the card’s meaning, what I built anew was stronger, sturdier, and would endure.

I am blessed that my mom’s health is much improved. The three-year saga to have her receive a simple outpatient procedure came to a successful end this past week. My own business and personal goals are in sight. I found a beautiful community…. I could go on and on.

I am…thankful! I feel blessed and really know the meaning of “the goddess is alive and magick is afoot”, because I don’t think any of this could have happened without HER help. I am blessed.

I think we need to do more that will pull magick into our lives. I know last night with the spontaneous ritual, I felt more connected to my goddess than I have in a while…

I suppose I should say something powerful and profound here. But really, I think the crux is…make sure you let magick back into your life.

My significator card is the High Priestess based on numerology (my birth date reduces down to 2) and the card really suits me. I’ve always had a spiritual path, working on the hidden and the unseen. I try to balance the mundane and the magickal, and I am more than likely to be working and looking inwardly rather than outwardly. This is manifested with my fibromyalgia as being clumsy at times. I’m forever turning too quickly into rooms and whacking my wrists on door knobs or hitting the door jam because I’m focusing on where I’m going and my intended outcome rather than where I’m at in any given moment.

This card’s number is two: duality. The astrological association is in the moon, or the unseen, that which is reflected back at us.

It very much follows the path which I walk. I’m a writer, and reflexively, when a writer composes an article, a blog post, a novel, or anything in between, this creative person is reflecting the world as seen through her (or his) eyes. Oh sure, the writer may be creating a totally fictional story in a world which isn’t anything like our own, and yet, some aspect of that story is a reflection of the writer’s own world, viewpoints, and thoughts.

I’ve always been drawn to this card. The priestess sits serenely, in perfect balance between the two pillars. She holds the sacred writings in her lap and wears the crown of a priestess, a crown that looks very much like the triple moon symbol of Wicca and paganism. The fruit on the vines behind her speaks of ripeness, of fertility, though not the obvious fertility of the Empress. It’s a secret fertility, that of the mind, of thoughts, of hidden dreams and prophecies still not spoken.

She whispers in the night and influences our dreams, yet many do not notice her during the light of day. Her soft, subtle work is no less strong in spite of its not being as flashy as the work of the Magician or obvious as the Empress. She is…herself. And that’s why she’s my significator.

Read all the blogs for this week here.

Though I have no light or guide
save that which I bring with me,
I trust the voice down deep inside
that she will all truth provide

Summer’s hope grows dim
and winter’s too-rough winds draw near
in my abyss I cannot hide
any more than I could change an ocean’s tide

So I walk the abyss
on roads where She leads
one foot goeth before the other in stride
and I look forward, not back, on all that’s been tried.

~ Mary Caelsto

My partner has been watering the plants, but nothing seemed to be doing much.

Until all of a sudden, I came home, looked at my plants, and realized the small peppers I’d left there thinking they’d get bigger, were rotting through.

And then it hit me. I’d been waiting for my peppers to get larger. I’d been so wrapped up in their size, I’d forgotten that they are ripe and ready for cooking. And they are delicious. (I’ve since harvested and used them.)

Are you waiting for your own peppers to get larger? Are you leaving fruit on the vine because you’re expecting something different or something more spectacular? Are you not harvesting your fruit because it doesn’t conform to some sort of expectations?

I am now enjoying my peppers, small as they are, and I wish the drought hadn’t gotten my green beans. I’m thinking about planting some fall collard greens for my lizards. And now, I know, to pay a lot more attention to my harvest and pick when it’s ripe.

This week we have a question about a relationship and some pretty powerful and profound cards pulled. The first card was the Chariot, which means quick moving speed. In this context, I got the feeling that both parties in this relationship were moving so quickly that they often were checking things off their “to do” list, and didn’t really have time for each other, let alone themselves.They should slow down, which is borne out by the next card, the five of cups reversed.

Traditionally, the five of cups card is the card about someone looking at what’s been spilled, not the two cups left standing. In the terms of a relationship, I believe the individuals might be focusing on what isn’t there, rather than what is there. But, if they look, they’ll see two full cups, so there’s lots of good things still left. They just might need to slow down to be able to see them.

And the nine of pentacles, or the apprenticeship card, implies that the couple can get where they both want to be, but that it will take some hard and steady work.

I see this as a good spread, one that is full of hope and practical advice. I think in the end, things will work out. It will just take time and attention.

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So I found myself watching this Olympic games as more like watching a party at a friend’s house, then some event many thousands of miles away. And I found myself cheering for Team GB more often than not, especially as their unprecedented success in the equestrian events came to light.

As a Celtic Wiccan, I loved Glastonbury Tor in the opening ceremonies. As an equestrian, in my mind, I jumped every jump and raced across every cross country jump. Mostly, I think this Olympic games activated my Celtic DNA, for I found myself invoking Cerridwen and Epona. In the rock songs playing during both opening and closing ceremonies, I heard echoes of Taliesn the bard. Merlin’s magic might have been more spectacular than the fireworks show, but would it have been as beautiful?

Britain might not be seen as an athletic nation, but it is one with a rich and vibrant history. And yes, after these games, I think we can agree that Britain is an athletic nation, too. But unlike the Beijing Olympics, where many of us felt as if curtains were being drawn back on a culture many of us know little about, these London Olympics felt like old friends returning. Yes, we thought, we remember that bad, or that country, and in a news cycle dominated by austerity and the “Eurozone”, for two weeks in August, Great Britain showed us power, majesty, triumph, beauty, and inspiration.

And that was a exactly as it should be.

We do not have a well-rounded practice if we do not also have merriment in our spiritual worship. We need to be happy, as well as be somber or serious when it comes to our spirituality. A balance of the two sides, happy and joyful, with serious and contemplative, leads to a well-rounded spiritual practice.

So how do we move from being lonely to being joyful in our practice.

Seek connections with others.

Find events you can attend.

Don’t be afraid to laugh.

Using skills like these, we can move into merriment in our practice.